I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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