I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
