Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
