I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
