I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
