I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
