I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
