Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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