I am in a vortex of obligation.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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