I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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