How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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