I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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