he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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