Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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