1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
