i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
