there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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