Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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