Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
