i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
