i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
