i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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