I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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