I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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