hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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