I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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