In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize