there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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