i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As shirtless as possible
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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