i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
