The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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