The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
