mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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