I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
