The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize