thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
