It's Friday. Sex?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
