You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
