this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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