she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
