totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize