I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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