ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
