Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
