We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
