somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
