he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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