Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize