did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
that's an acceptable place to lick
there was a trapeze. enough said
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
