My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize