I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
