So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize