What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
