In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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