your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
