I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
