i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
