so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
