Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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