My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
