this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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