I think I am morally bankrupt
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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