but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
