I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
