he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
third nipple confirmed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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