Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish you could order shots online.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize