ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
