I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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